Day of Silence

April 13th is the day Unitarian Universalists around the world celebrate the “Day of Silence”. But what, exactly, does that mean to a fellowship that has pledged to never be silent about injustices that take place due to a system that rewards and promotes taking unfair advantages against certain members of our society?

Does that mean we should remain silent about the women whose bodily autonomy has been stripped away? Or about the many Native American women and children who have been kidnapped and murdered? And what about other groups who have been disenfranchised for centuries, and those kneeling at our borders begging for refuge from poverty, torture or even death in their homelands at the hands of corrupt governments or criminal gangs?

What about those in our inner cities who are afraid to leave their homes because of violence in their neighborhoods; or those not receiving fair treatment in jails and detention centers; or those receiving a sub-standard education because of a bureaucratic system that decides for you what you need to learn… and what they don’t want you to know?

Let's go back to the beginning: The "Day of Silence," was originally a student-led event organized by the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN). It was set to take place on the second Friday of April every year, to serve as a protest against anti-LGBTQ+ bullying and harassment in schools. Participants take a vow of silence to amplify the voices of those that are often stifled. 

That bullying and harassment is building once again in our nation -- insisting there are only two genders and threatening anyone who dares to say differently, adding to the confusion and hatred in our schools, where our very vulnerable young people, who are just learning who they are, are being forced back into the closet behind doors locked with fear. Young people whose feelings are being invalidated at a time when they need the support of their families, friends and loved ones the most.

It also makes it comfortable for those people who are not themselves prejudiced against those who express themselves differently, to go back into their own closets… withdrawing their support… It stops them from using their voices to say, "the mistreatment of the disenfranchised needs to stop." It’s a tactic that drives our society back decades into the dark past.

Research has found that attempted suicide rates and suicidal ideation among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people are significantly higher than among the straight population.

The Day Of Silence is like a new version of the sit-ins Black people held during the worst days of segregation. For example, people went to ‘white only’ lunch counters and sat in silence, not buying anything, just taking up space with the bodies and the faces of those who were being denied service every day, and in doing so, preventing paying white customers from patronizing the business. That strategy has been moved forward from the 1950’s and put into use today to shine a light on some of the issues I mentioned a moment ago, and to keep the light shining on the educational system.

The modern version of the “Day Of Silence” was started in the mid 1990s by two college students and was a nationally recognized demonstration. It gives queer students and their allies all around the country an opportunity to protest the harmful effects of harassment and discrimination against LGBTQ+ people in schools. Every April, students would go through the school day without speaking, ending the day by breaking the silence with rallies to bring attention to ways their schools and their communities can become more inclusive. 

In 2024, organizers switched the name of the event to… “Day of (NO) Silence”, in opposition to the current attempt to erase queer people, especially transgender and non-binary people, from public life. Most progressives would agree that being silent is no longer an option. We must use our voices, and our political power, throughout this month to bring attention to the plight of those who are affected by the actions, words and policies of those who still hold antiquated and harmful beliefs, with no concern of how those beliefs are affecting others, many of whom are too young to know how they can resist and change public policies, attitudes and practices, and in the course of this resistance, save lives, and shield the unprotected from irreparable emotional harm.

Here are some sobering facts for you:

• According to The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in 2022, suicide was the second leading cause of death among young people aged 10 to 14, and the third leading cause of death among 15-24 year olds who are questioning their connection to the gender expansive community.

• LGBTQ+ youth are more than four times as likely to attempt suicide than their peers. The Trevor Project estimates that here in the U.S., nearly 2 million queer youth between the ages of 13 and 24 seriously consider suicide every year. They say every 45 seconds, at least one young queer person tries to take their own life. 

• The Trevor Project’s 2023 U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ Young People found that 41% of those youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the previous year, including roughly half of transgender and nonbinary youth. 

I had a conversation last week with someone who said to me that the way I keep bringing up our principles and how they tell us that we are a welcoming community and how I think we should be a sanctuary for the disenfranchised may make UU look like the “GAY CHURCH” and they asked me if I'm ok with that. My answer is, “I’m perfectly fine with that.” People can see us any way they wish to see us, and as long as they see us staying true to our promise to continue following the 8 principles that guide us. 

Our first principle tells us that we must accept the inherent worth and dignity of every person. Loving our fellow searchers and honoring their struggles is not an option -- it’s a mandatory directive. It’s our prayer of service in action, as we say in our affirmation of faith.

Let me give you more statistics about the people we are talking about today:

• Data shows that bisexual youth report higher rates of depression and more frequent episodes of being bullied and sexually assaulted. They also have more incidents of suffering other kinds of physical harm. 

• 48%, of bisexual youth seriously considered suicide last year, and 27% actually tried to take their own lives. 

• Among gay or lesbian youth, 37% seriously considered suicide and 19% attempted it.

• Compare that with straight youth, among whom only 14% seriously considered suicide… and only 6% attempted it. 

Of course, it’s still alarming that any youth would consider taking or try to take their own lives, but it shows the vast difference between those that fit into the societal norm, and those who do not.

To clarify some terms for those who may not know:

• Cis-gender applies to the gender one is assigned at birth

• Transgender means that someone lives and identifies as a gender other than the gender assigned at birth

• Non-binary describes people, who fall under the transgender spectrum, whose identity falls outside the traditional male/female binary. 

Youth who are transgender and/or non-binary face an elevated risk for depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicide attempts compared to peers who are cisgender. A  peer-reviewed study by The Trevor Project’s researchers found that transgender and non-binary youth were up to 2.5 times more likely to experience depression, and seriously consider suicide, as well as attempt suicide, compared to their cisgender peers.

A national survey says nearly all LGBTQ+ young people of color reported higher rates of attempted suicide than their white peers in the past year. Among the more than 28,000 people surveyed, 11% of white youth attempted suicide, compared to 22% of Indigenous youth, 18% of Middle Eastern or Northern African youth, 16% of Black youth, 17% of multiracial youth, 15% of Latinx youth, and 10% of Asian American/Pacific Islander youth.

Black transgender and non-binary youth report disproportionate rates of suicide risk — with 58% seriously considering suicide and 25% attempting suicide each year.

So what is the solution? More specifically, how can we use our position in the community, and as disciples of the 8 Principles of UU, to make a difference? For one thing, we speak about it openly, to bring an acute awareness to our congregations. We talk about the uncomfortable things that must be shared in a welcoming and loving community so that we all can be aware of just how pervasive fear, depression, self harm, exclusion, and suicide are among the queer people we love so dearly.

Secondly, the Unitarian Universalist Association publicizes a “Youth Survival Guide” that advises queer youth to tend to their own well-being first and foremost. It tells them to take actions that feel good and right. Do what they need to survive and whatever it takes to make their lives worth living. 

If someone you know and love is contemplating suicide, tell them to reach out to a trusted person or contact a crisis line for confidential and professional assistance. Below are some resources:

• Contact the Trevor Project to access the 24/7 suicide hotline for LGBTQ+ youth

  • Call 1-866-488-7386

  • Text "START" to 678-678

• Call the Crisis and Suicide Hotline

  • Call or text 988

• Contact Trans Lifeline to access peer support from trans volunteers

  • Call 1-877-565-8860

If someone reaches out to you for help, here's how you can help:

• Encourage them limit how many stories of violence and harassment they take in. Anti-queer violence and harassment is designed to terrorize all of us. Take in only what you can, and what you feel you need to know in order to live well, and know your enemy.

• Focus on stories of hope and share them! These stories help us feel less alone, less traumatized, and they help us to be more ready to take action.

• Engage in spiritual practices that are meaningful to you: light a chalice, make an altar, pray, meditate, sing a hymn, fellowship with others, or call someone you trust.

• Help your feelings move through your body: listen to music, do yoga, dance, run. Go outside and feel Mother Earth holding you up, make art. Scream or cry if you need to.

• Create safe places for yourself and people you love to process trauma and experience joy. Promise each other you will keep making these safe places.

• Help them reach out to a therapist who understands them and can help process emotions and trauma and provide strategies for coping with these.

• Contact the UUA for a list of Queer UU-adjacent books in which to ground yourself.

• Build a Support Network:

  • Allow your young people to exchange feelings with you and ask them what they need from you to feel loved and safe. 

  • Discuss what you might be able to do as a family to be an active part of the resistance against hate. 

• Remember that I, as your Spiritual Leader, our Board Members, and our entire congregation cares about you and your loved ones. Reach out to talk, get connected to community supports. 

• Check in with one another. Make and give each other little gifts to show that you care. Hang out. Ask for help. Explore identity together. Do what you already know how to do in order to be a good friend, just do it more.

The Unitarian Universalist Association recently passed a Business Resolution that officially states that “embracing transgender, nonbinary, intersex and gender diverse people is a fundamental expression of UU religious values. We must be prepared for immediate and long-term changes. Things look foreboding right now. We need to be responsive and aware, but we also need to avoid internalizing all of the worry onto ourselves. Planning can help you feel more prepared and give a sense of control in the face of an uncertain future. Stay in the loop, and be ready ahead of time to take action to keep yourself as safe as possible in response to legislative changes. Now is the time to build community resistance. Remember that acting in the face of oppression can help you feel strong and purposeful. You are strong. You can have an impact.

May blessings, strength, courage and victory be with you all -- now and forever.